Wednesday, May 20, 2015

The Fear Of Infertility...

I wanted to write a post about this for so long because I think so many people are unaware of it. I know that I was one of those people. I had ONE family member that struggled with infertility but other than that I was under a rock when it came to infertility.  Koop and I started trying to get pregnant in January of 2014 and I thought we'd for sure have a baby by the end of 2014. But each month came and I'd be late or I'd take a pregnancy test with a big fat negative. 

The first few months I was fine, birth control can take at least 3 months to get out of your system.
 By 6 months I still was patient thinking it would happen at the right time. 
By 9 months I started getting worried. 
By 12 months I thought I was broken...

 There was several girls in my ward in Rexburg who were in the same boat. Some had been trying for 5 years, 2 years, 1 year, and/or 6 months, everyone was at a different point, yet all trying.  I didn't realize that so many women struggle with this challenge.  It was comforting to have support from so many friends going through the same thing. In the meantime being in a young married ward, everyone else was getting pregnant left and right. And it was so discouraging. The whole time I kept thinking will I get this chance, will I get to be pregnant, will I get to experience everything they are experiencing?

 The first step was to get Kooper tested, and so we did. He was fine... so we knew it was me.
 I had a few labs ran (thyroid) and everything was normal. From there I couldn't really do anything yet until a year was up, so I had to wait. It got to the point that I kept thinking I was broken. One day we had a lesson in church on this because there were so many struggling with this. It was perfect. The couple who gave it had been trying for 5  or so years and his wife thought the same thing. They simply reminded us that we are not broken, we are given this challenge. Others might have different challenges in their life but this is ours. 

I've learned that this is a hard process. People will ask over and over again when you will have babies and secretly you want to just yell WERE WORKING ON IT! One day my cousin said, you have to decide what you would rather be asked. "When will you have babies" or "What are you doing now or is it working?"

After 12 months I went to the doctor and they had me test my prolactin, gave my a womens physical and did a vaginal ultrasound to check my women things! Everything was normal...
So then why wasn't I getting pregnant????
 I was one of the 10% that had no answer.  Lucky me.

The next month I was put on Chlomid, which is a drug meant for women who didn't ovulate, or women who had no reason to not get pregnant. So my 1st month I took it and nothing happened... That was when I really started getting nervous, upset when others were getting pregnant, and frustrated when people would ask me.

I waited and waited before I finally told my mom, mainly because I thought I'd be pregnant quicker and I could have this fun surprise. But it got to the point where I couldn't keep it in any longer.

A couple of the hardest things to hear while trying to conceive...
Hold this baby so you become baby hungry...
You've been married for awhile when are you going to start trying...
I'll pray for you...
It's all the Lords timing....

My good friend Kelsey wrote the best post about 3 attitudes to avoid around infertile couples... You can read it HERE!

Infertility is real. Women struggle with infertility everyday. Couples struggle with it everyday. It doesn't get easier. Its a very hard process.  My heart goes out to anyone that struggles with the trail of infertility, its stressful, tiring, depressing, and can be very expensive. I would never wish this trial upon anyone.You can still talk to people struggling with infertility we are still normal people. Just next time you ask someone when they will have a baby, be sensitive. You never know what they are going through. It is a lot more common than we think.


  1. Thanks for sharing this- I know it can't be an easy thing to put yourself out there like that. I'm wishing the best for you guys! thanks for being so brave.

  2. Thank you for sharing. I feel like infertility is such a taboo subject, especially the fear of being infertile..

  3. I totally just read all your posts, hoping you would post on this-- I am with you in having no clue how common infertility is. Aspen literally came after one try & we have been trying for a year for our second with no luck & no answers-- I had the same thyroid tests etc. It's the pits waiting. I'm so happy you got pregnant finally!! And now knowing the feeling, I try not to ever ask those questions!

  4. So I remembered that you wrote this post and I wanted to see how my story matched up with yours haha. Very similar! Crazy. 12 months going strong with nothing! Next step is clomid.. Eek! Thanks for the post and the support, Lacey!


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